NLC's Romeo Club

Finding Companionship, Understanding Through “Romeo Club”

Almost every day at noon, a small group of men meet to talk about sports, work, current events and other normal topics of conversation. Although their talk may be typical, the setting is not, as their dialogues transpire not over drinks at a sports bar, but here at Nazareth where they are feeding lunch to their wives. It’s part of the routine for members of the ROMEO (Retired Old Men Eating Out) Club, an informal group that offers comfort and support for these husbands who are primary caregivers to their wives who suffer from Alzheimer’s or other dementia-related diseases. Although the group fluctuates in membership, today’s core group includes Ed Dalton, Fred Sackbauer, Jack Wilson and Charlie Maher. All have been married to their spouses for 45 years or longer. “We started it about three or four years ago,” says Dalton, the informal spokesman for the group. “We’re almost like a support group, although it didn’t start out that way.” The group began with individual men having a common denominator--dealing with the pain of watching a spouse succumb to Alzheimer’s. “It’s not the most pleasant thing to do every day, getting up and following the same routine,” says Dalton of his daily ritual of caring for his wife Corrine who has had Alzheimer’s for 14 years. “But I know she would be there for me.”

The biggest challenge, they say, is dealing with depression and loneliness, and they find differing ways of coping. Charlie Maher finds solace in books, an interest he shared with his wife Annie and his seven children. “Oh, I love to read historical novels and mysteries,” he says. “I really don’t mind spending time with myself.” Jack Wilson, on the other hand, finds being alone one of the worst aspects of his predicament and seeks solace in his business where he works part-time. “It’s a couples’ world out there,” he says. Wilson and his wife Laverne enjoyed an active social life before her illness which left him with more solitary time on his hands than he likes. “We were out every weekend, had lots of friends,” he says. “Staying busy is the best way.” “You have to stay ahead of the depression,” adds Fred Sackbauer. He and wife Grace Ann have been married for 55 years. “We used to travel together, stay in our condo in Florida. I still do those things. Of course, it’s not the same, but you do your best.”

Talking helps, and that they do with each other over lunch at Nazareth or sometimes at Hodak’s over fried chicken. “You come into this place (Nazareth), and you know you’re not alone,” says Sackbauer. Dalton agrees and says he finds comfort and camaraderie with Nazareth staff and the ROMEO Club. “They’re the most loving, caring people I’ve ever seen in my life,” he says. “I don’t know how I’d cope if it wasn’t for Nazareth—it’s a great place.”